My best friend nicknamed me "Lioness". When he started this I never really knew the whole meaning behind it or what the lioness truly symbolized. But I knew him well enough to know that he wouldn't have said it without it having more intelligent and deeper meaning behind it. I playfully nicknamed him back "Lion" because of his super long mane of wavy strands of dark chocolate growing on his head all the while feeling surprised at him possibly thinking of me to be anything like a lioness. What does he see in me? I wondered why? Lioness? Me? He baffled me.
So in my free time I researched here and there about the lioness. Aside from what I already knew, I discovered her to be a symbol of strength, independence, power and sometimes even more badass than the lion, the King of the Jungle. So here I was trying to correlate the lioness with myself, quite liking the nickname he gave me, but still wondering, "me? A lioness? Strong?" He still baffled me. I was more intrigued than ever about the lioness and how the heck I could be anything like one. I was inspired to draw one not just for looks but I wanted to understand what my best friend sees in me that I obviously did not.
I searched for pictures of lionesses to use for reference over a long time, whenever I could. But none of them felt like they were the right one.
At some point I remembered how my best friend, "Lion", calls me "strong". There have been several times when he would tell me "you're so strong" at times when I felt like the furthest thing from strong. He would say it at times when I would be bawling enough to wash my face with my tears "You're so strong." He would say it again at calm times too, with such depth like he really wanted me to know that I was strong. He was the first person in my whole life to actually call me strong and not in a sneaky, underhanded, manipulative sort of way. I think most people who've met me never thought me to be strong at all. I felt like the furthest thing from "strong" for most of my life while silently and desperately longing to be strong. To me, to be strong was better than being the most beautiful or the most successful or the most anything. If you were strong you could handle anything with calmness and ease, so I thought. Me being sensitive, emotional, anxious. I felt being strong for me was nothing but an unattainable goal I deeply yearned to achieve for years while always staying quiet about it. Then him telling me I was strong felt like a cruel joke at first. But he would tell me time and time again that I was "so strong." He was the only one who was so adamant in his gentle way to try to convince me of this like he really longed for me to know it. I started to believe him after a long time but I still didn't understand what he saw in me. At one point he helped me to realize that perhaps to be strong is NOT being able to handle anything with ease or not showing any weakness or emotional disturbance whatsoever, but rather to be truly strong is to be able to handle anything while still keeping your sensitivity, gentleness and empathy. To keep your lovingness towards others without letting your struggles steal it away from you - that is true strength. He also helped me realize the gravity of my struggles: the kind of things I've tolerated, the traumatic experiences I've had; how most people if they had to go through the things that I had, they would not have come out as well as I did; how a lot of people would not have survived some of the things that I survived; how some things I've lived through are actually reminiscent of certain things of the modern horror genre (No wonder I've always hated horror movies). Lion telling me all this was hard enough for me to take in since I've become so used to instinctively telling myself "It could be worse. It could be worse." while I would be taking anxious heavy breaths and attempting to mentally block out the memories of my "experiences" he was referring to. I don't feel strong, I rarely ever do. It's still hard for me to believe I have any at times. But I know one thing for sure that I have: my choice to overcome, to persevere, to fight the good fight. If there is one thing that has motivated me to choose to overcome it has to be my furiously passionate desire for justice. It's something that doesn't seem to show unless a friend or loved one of mine is being wronged by someone else or when someone has wronged me enough times, and then it shows. I seemed to have this desire since I was little but it grew stronger with time. The more bad that happened, the stronger my passion for justice grew. I tend to purposely try to forget bout these "experiences" (even the ones where I actually overcome) because of the stress and the shakes the memories alone give me. So after all this time it's really nice when someone finally appreciates you and sees the strength in you that you don't see. I think we all need that.
So when this revelation of what it really is to be strong planted itself in my mind, it sprouted the inspiration I needed for my lioness artwork to be. Then I came upon the right photo - a copyright free one. Somehow I felt this photo was perfect for me at this time. So with a few adjustments I started working away on my "Lovely Lioness to be." I added a lot of my own creative touches and after plenty of meticulous "art-working" the Lovely Lioness came to be. I wanted her to embody that quiet strength and gentle lovingness about her. So, does she? Please tell me what you think in the comments. I would love to read your feedback.
The Lovely Lioness
Pastel Chalk, Charcoal & Graphite
11"x 14" Sketch Paper
Feb. 19, 2019
Also you can order prints of "The Lovely Lioness" as large as 24"x 36"
please go to https://artbybaw.wixsite.com/artbybaw/buy-art-prints
Brittany Wittmeier ©
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